Orbit Change Conversations

Yesterday my family imposed a “no touching the computer for the day” rule on me. While it caused predictable withdrawal symptoms (and explains the lack of recent updates to the Linkroll), I quite enjoyed the unstructured time together.

Over the years, I think, I have become much better with work-life balance. Somewhere along the way I decided that a Deferred Life Plan isn’t for me. Typically you focus on professional success as step one. The second step, the deferred life with family, is supposed to happen later. Unfortunately, in most cases, the second step never happens.

The Deferred Life Plan metaphor is a powerful one. I read it first in Randy Komisar’s beautiful book, The Monk and the Riddle. He uses this metaphor to talk about the difference between drive and passion. His take is that…

Passion pulls you towards something you cannot resist. Drive pushes you towards something you feel compelled or obligated to do. If you know nothing about yourself you can’t tell the difference. You can’t understand the crucial difference until you find them at war inside.

I think Komisar is absolutely right.

Passion happens only when you are working on something (a big idea) that’s larger than yourself. And where there is passion, there is happiness.

Of late I have been nibbling at Martin Seligman’s book Authentic Happiness. It’s a stimulating book that has a scientific take on happiness. Seligman postulates that there are three roads or pathways to happiness. He describes how we can build happiness by deliberately creating more pleasure, engagement and meaning in our daily lives. The Pleasant Life consists of thinking and feeling positively about our past, present and future until we are experiencing life at the top of our ‘set range’.

The Engaged Life grows when we know our highest strengths and recraft our lives to use them as often as possible. We experience fullness and flow; we lose track of time and feel a deep sense of satisfaction. The Meaningful Life is possible when we use our strengths and talents to serve something greater than ourselves. There is no limit to meaning - it is completely adjustable and plastic.

To live an Engaged or Meaningful Life one needs to know one’s strengths. Notice how this ties in with Komisar’s definition of Passion.

Seligman has a free online survey (called VIA Signature Strengths Questionnaire) that you can take to identify your signature strengths. In my case, the survey suggested the following strengths:

1. Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

2. Creativity, ingenuity, and originality
Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.

3. Perspective (wisdom)
Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.

4. Bravery and valor
You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.

5. Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

Now as long I can use these strengths at work, play and home, I can maximize my happiness. A new journey begins!

[Mark Batterson has a crisp review of Randy Komisar’s book here].